The Age………..gap.

 Femme Fatale or … !
 
 It is blatantly obvious why a man should be attracted by a younger woman.
 But what is it that attracts a woman to an older man ?
This question can be answered quite simply, when the man has more money than he knows what to do with.
But, when a man has nothing to offer a pretty and much younger woman, then just what is it that attracts her to him ?
 
I ask this question as a lady 11 years younger than himself,
 is displaying a keen interest in  a friend of mine.
My friend and the lady in question are not in relationships, and he tells me he is prepared for any eventuality.
But in the meantime, I fear for his future.
 
Your opinions / advice, would be much valued as I am sure he shall be reading your comments.
 
If he allowed this attractive younger lady into his heart,
would he be making the correct decision, or making one big fool of himself ???
 
Broken heart  or  Party
 
What do you think !
 
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Age gap relationships: Good or bad?
 
 

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones (File pic: 2005)

Hollywood actor Michael Douglas married Catherine Zeta Jones in 2000

 

Older men dating younger women is certainly nothing new, particularly in the celebrity world.

There is 12 years between Jay-Z and Beyonce, and a staggering 25 years between Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones.

Official statistics show that generally, women in the UK marry men older than themselves, and in 2000 the average age gap was just over two years.

But it is the bigger age gaps which cause the stir.

Cassie Massey is often mistaken for Darren Smith’s daughter.

She is 19, while he is a 40 year-old divorced father of two. They have been together for two years and have plans to marry.

Darren was her manager and the pair, who live in Southend

 simply hit it off.

"When you just get on with someone it doesn’t matter about the age gap," said Darren.

Generation gentlemen

Cassie said they have all the normal relationship worries and nothing specific to their ages.

"He is more grounded, more secure in himself," she said.

"I think he is more of a gentleman. I don’t think you find many gentlemen in my generation."

 

Cassie said they met at a troubled time – she had quit sixth form college and Darren’s father had just died – and they "saved each other".

Cassie will soon be heading off to university but they have concerns.

"It is going to be difficult because we are both quite insecure, jealous and possessive," she said. "Those are flaws we both have but we are going to have to deal with it."

The couple agree that their age difference does attract attention but they try not to react to it because it "sends the message that it is wrong".

"It really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks," said Darren. "It is not their relationship."

‘Wonderful trappings’

Paula Hall is a relationship psychotherapist and she says there are pros and cons to age gap relationships.

 

Older partners have more life experiences which the younger partner can learn from, she said, while the younger partner can bring a new outlook.

She said women mature faster and are often fascinated by the "wonderful trappings" of older men, such as a car and money.

Younger men often get kudos from dating older women, she said, whereby they are seen to satisfy all their needs.

But she warned age gap relationships often do not work in the long term.

 

"What we often see in the celebrity area is that they’re short-term romances, they work for a while but then they move on," she said.

"The biggest pitfall in an age gap relationship is the jealousy and insecurity that often occurs."

She added that while we are used to seeing older men with younger women, the reverse is "still a little bit new".

‘Toyboy lover’

Demi Moore’s relationship with Ashton Kutcher, who is 15 years her junior, certainly made the headlines.

Closer to home, Phats & Small singer Ben Ofoedu has been dating TV and radio presenter Vanessa Feltz for two years. He is 10 years younger than her and he says the "toyboy" label undermines their relationship.

 

"I don’t think the age gap has caused us any particular problems," he said.

"It’s not nice for Vanessa to read her ‘toyboy lover’. When you say toyboy it immediately means it is not a real relationship, just a fling."

He said being with Vanessa has changed him for the better.

"I think with a woman who’s a little bit older, she knows what she wants," he said.

"There is more of a direction. And men are quite simple, we just like to know we are going left, then we’re going right, then left again."

Paula Hall said there has to be more to the relationship than the "number of years they have been on this planet".

"If you have lots in common, you really click, really get on, you can chat open and honestly, then to hell with age gap."

Her top tip is to talk and acknowledge the age gap. Cassie agrees.

"Don’t be afraid to talk to each other about how you feel even if it might bring up the age," she said.

"Ignore everyone else and if you have found what you are looking for, then go for it because there is nothing better."

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23 responses to “The Age………..gap.

  1. I am glad I found this blog again. Kenny you are such a caring person and your friend is very lucky to have your concern, however only he can live his life and the relationship deserves a chance to prove itself. Be patient watch and see how things develop, the longest marriage in my immediate family circle had a thirty year age gap, sadly ending when he was ninety seven and she took a heart attack and died at sixty three, they had been together since she was 17.

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  2. Hi, Kenneth…this is an interesting question…what attracts people to each other, whatever their ages? It’s not an easy question to answer, is it…but when people are attracted to each other, age really does not matter. The couple will know if it’s going to work or not and act accordingly.Remember…age is just a number…!!!My friends Kayley and Phil set up their space to mainly let their families know that they were serious about each other, and that their age differences meant nothing (he’s about fifty and she’s twenty or twenty-one) to people who love each other…much like Maria and her partner.By the way…kettle’s on again…milk? Sugar…?!!

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  3. Shimona from the Palace

    My father and stepmother have been happily married for over 30 years, despite a 20 year age gap. In fact, tomorrow is their wedding anniversary. I hope you (or your friend) can draw encouragement from this.

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  4. Hello, I was just browsing and came across your blog, I really hope you don’t mind the intrusion:) I myself am I an age gap relationship, me being 35 and my beloved 20 years older. I first met him when I was 22 and due to many shared interests and philosophies regarding life remained best friends for 13yrs. In that time we both had our relationships (mine lasting over 7 years) and were both there for each other whenever a friend was needed. During that time the thought of us being together as a couple honestly never entered our heads, though many found our friendship slightly odd. Then without thought or warning both our thoughts and feelings changed…and after much soul searching ..fate being what it may be, we could no longer hide what we felt for each other. Now 3 yrs on we are still together..still happy and I know that we always shall be. age has never been an issue for us as those who know us will say we are pretty much the same in all aspects of thought feelings and outlooks on life…I don’t know if all such relationships work out, but I do know it has for me… nice space by the way ..:):)

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  5. What I feel is that age, look, sex, wealth are the subject of those who enter into love or relation on mathematics and want to derive out of the relations but all these are immaterial to those whose hearts start beating when the arrow of Cupid strikes both. In practice, there are many things found common between the two and this factor brings them closer and age gap is side lined. A man older in age than the woman can better understand her passions, manage her sentiments and emotions and attend to her requirements in more soft and cool way than a compatible one. This is also true where a male is younger than the female. I don’t know marital status of your friend but if he is single or divorced then there can be no better choice than he. But what I have observed so far is that, barring few which can not be made examples and references, such association have not turned lasting. You see when they get closer then weaknesses on both sides start appearing resulting into changing ways. Life is a reality and one cannot live in iota or survive on fantasy and glamor of dreams, therefore, hard facts start taking place and two start looking on other side which again appears to them rosy and full of fun, glamor and life. So far te relations of celebrities is concerned these are always compromises and based on mutual benefits. These lack trust and sweetness of life, with certain exception, which cannot be quoted for reference. No one can fight Nature. It is in the nature of human to enter into relation with age sake which is the predominant reality. But there is no harm if your friend gets along with a woman who is 11 year younger. But once again this has to be seen what is the marital status of both to assess whether they are cheating or really they mean relationship.Any way good luck to both of them. But by the way is your personal opinion as no other can advice better than you. Let’s have your verdict too.I’ve added you to my network and will appreciate if you leave comments on my blog too. I believe that it is experience that counts and matters.Thanks. Have a very pleasant day.

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  6. hi my dear Kenny,hope you get better soon.I have just passed the flu,it is so horrible.take much care.hugs and kisses.

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  7. Good Evening Kenny,Firstly I hope you are feeling a little better than you were yesterday and certainly much more than you were the day before that. So you sweat like a bull do you? Hmmm, You’re descriptive of your condition, makes me wonder what or who waved the red flag to provoke the Stampede in the first place. :op. Re: the age gap……..My questions are this. Does your friend really feel that he has nothing at all to offer this lady and if so why? If by letting this woman in to his affections why does he fear making a fool of himself? Perhaps the lady in question just might feel she would be doing the same. Remember this Kenny, this lady is not that much younger than your friend and has also lived a life that has made her who she is. Perhaps she feels that this age gap and all the other factors are irrelevant when all She wants is just to be with him and travel the path ahead, with acceptance of who he is. :o) xxxEnough said now, I will go and sit on my sofa now and you will have to do the same, for now…. ;o)

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  8. yikes…..

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  9. Opps… belive me I am not drunk….typo errors!!!So read:Oh Kenny your comments are much appreciated…..

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  10. Oh Kenny don’t your commentis much appreciated and does not need to be what I want to hear.Besides the difference between you and my parents is that you will not interfere in how your daughter will raise your grandkids. I bet you will advise her rather than contradict especially infront of your future grand kids.Well nope I do not agree with Kyalid…. nope I cannot….Drop by anytime!!! You are always welcome!!Take care,Isa

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  11. It’s difficult enough to make things work in a couple without having to deal with age gap…. Relations don’t have to be similar or repeated in mass just to suit society.As far as their is a balance and the two individual are on the same wave length, I don’t see why others should interfere. In fact, people should mind their own business and it is a shame to say that people can;t see others’ happiness and they always have to pinpoint something just to make things even! Shame!!!!I am happy that you dropped at my space. Thanks for the comment. My actual situation is actually unbearable and somehow if my parens behave most of the "cancer" would disappear. My son is a nice kids with flaws. So do I.But perents always have that need to contradict me and it is deffinitely harming Steven’s behaviour at school and at home. He is usually a polite kid, but when he come back from his grandparents he is changed. At their place he has tandrums and my dad often call me on the phone to set things right. Can you see the complexity and how paradoxal all this is?So what do I do if nothing like mild punishment works? You have been a parent so I guess you can advice me.hugs,Isa

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  12. well my comments are whatever she wanted in life she knew what she was aiming for me well thats a different matter cos ive found that no one can even come close hahaahahhahhhhha and its got bot all to do with age so you can have words with yours #so called mates hhaaaahhhhhhahahhahhhhhaaa

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  13. Age is no barrier! I have a ‘friend’ who had a relationship with a very much older man infact 20 years her senior, and she did not meet him till she was in her late 50s and going through a very rough time! I have to ad mit he was a very sucessful bussiness man and not short of money, but the thing that attracted her to him was that he was a rock whilst she was swiming in a quagmire! The relationship was two way, she listened whilst he downloaded the issues and problems in his life and boosted her confidence and encouraged her in her business activities untill she was able to go about her life in conmplete confidence again! He is now pushing 90 confined to a wheelchair after having a stroke and she is his devoted friend. I derad to think what would have hapend to my friend if he had not saved her! BTW I believe he was an excellent lover too!!Suki x

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  14. If two people are right for each other and are meant to be together then age difference shouldn’t be an issue. Neither should the opinions of other people. So long as they are both communicating, as in any other aspect of a relationship, then it should be possible to resolve any issues that may arise. In my experience relationships involving age differences, that do not work out, are far more likely to break down due to other factors, such as cultural and religous differences rather than because of the age difference.Take good care of yourself and I hope you’re feeling 100% better very soon :-)

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  15. Hello Kenny, good win through to the next round of the FA cup for you guys, however Boro shouldn’t be being beaten 3-0 by west brom…tut tut tut!I’m glad you got through, it give the ‘Gate a bit of a respite.You flu symptoms sound shite dude, I prescribe plenty of fluids, rest, and if you are still feeling shite, then a course of Nurofen Cold & Flu tabs…wonder drugs!just watchng the draw for the next round…west ham away for you guys and one of the scousers for us….well it was nice while it lasted!Regarding age difference,my misses is 7 years younger than me, she is full of life & keeps me on my toes.The age difference never really comes into it, either she is older for her age ( more mature :o) ) or I’m young for my age ( immature ; o) ). however the older you get, the less the age difference, and its all releative.If I was 20 then I would be being arrested right now,if I was 90 no one would have a second thought.If your friend knows this woman well, and doesn’t think he is going to be taken for a ride, then why not.Everyone needs some love and affection, it might be a casual short term thing, in which cases enjoy it while they can, or it might turn out to be the best thing that has ever happened to them , in which case all the best and good luck!thats my twopennys worth for what ts worth, but either way good luck to them both.and also good luck to you to my friend,I hope your flu departs very very quickly, and that you are back on the road to recovery very soonAll the best Kenny,Hailing frequencies closed Sir,Woof woof !

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  16. Kenneth, my meager cold sounds minor to your symptoms. I hope they pass quickly and you’re on the mend. I’m sure I’ll be feeling better by the end of the week – at least I hope to!Peace

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  17. I really do believe that each relationship is unique. As a young woman I was always drawn to older men, not just for security either. My last relationship was with a young man 17 years my junior. I had just turned 50 and he was in mid-30’s. We caused a lot of head turning, but thank Goddess it is over and he recently became a Daddy. There is definitely more controversy with the older woman/younger man, and often younger women were downright rude to me over the relationship. Weird. Personally it is strictly between the couples themselves what will happen.Blessed be

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  18. Very interesting subject. I think the success of a relationship – regardless of age differences – depends on the stability of both partners. If they are both very aware of themselves and how they deal with life and accept the differences in their partner, then the relationship will probaby be long term. If they aren’t in a good place in their lives, no amound of "saving each other" will create an enduring relationship. JMHOThank you for your kind words regarding my grandson – my grandchildren are extremely precious to me and I worry about their outcomes.Peace

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  19. A fascinating and topical subject.. No matter how many views are articulated here the only two people who can answer the question are the couple in question. Only time will tell if both have discovered there elusive soul mate.

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  20. Sometimes a woman is looking for a father-figure. Sometimes she is attracted to his confidence or warmth of spirit. 11 years is not that much.

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  21. Hi my dear Kenny,here in spain ,the days are cold and windy too.thanks for the little ball of cotton wool and I wish it was mine too,hahaha,it is so cute! I do not think the age is important in a relationship,a friend of mine is married with an older man.she is 37 and he is 50.they are happy and a have a beautiful girl.they have met each other for 10 years.I believe in love ,not in age.lots of kisses xxx.lol

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  22. I had a 21-year relationship with a man 10 years my senior. When we met, he didn’t own a home or have money or even a nice car. I supported his going to training and encouraged him to reach for the stars and he did become quite successful in his career–as did I. Together, we achieved a lot and even though our relationship ended, we remain good friends. Now I’m in a relationship with a man 8 years my junior–the dynamics are completely different, but still rewarding. Age only means something when age means something. As for money; I’ve had it and I’ve gone without it… I prefer having it–but I wouldn’t marry a man to get it.

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