Update “AGE…………GAP “

Update 
" Age…………….Gap "
 
 
Some time ago I blogged about a friend of mine that had been contacted by a very pretty lady.
She was much younger than himself and  this fact alone caused him much concern.
However,  he has now told me  that they have recently met and enjoyed 3 days together. BUT !
 
It appears  that this lady has a  "male friend"  that visits her often in her home town and
 text’s her on her mobile.  One night he text her at nearly 2am.
The alarm bells began to ring, he Say’s.
 
My friend and I sat late into the night discussing this problem. He can not accept the fact that
there is another man in her life, that she calls a "friend"
He views this man as a threat to any future happiness, that may have been theirs as a couple.
Two is company three is a crowd, he Say’s.
He is very much attracted to the lady and would have loved to have built a deep and meaningful
relationship with her. But, is scared stiff that it would only lead to heartache.
 
 
So, my question is………Is he right or wrong to turn his back on the possibility of a happy future with this lady,
 because of her relationship with this man ?
 
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14 responses to “Update “AGE…………GAP “

  1. Gosh! I love to join in with this subject, i have a lot to say, but trying to hold it for sometime, I have no time now, I might come back another time! :-) Got to get ready for my new job. Take care, Happy Easter Kenny! Meips: the music and song are lovely!

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  2. Friend or lover Androgoth, that, is exactly the question !

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  3. Hi Kenneth..My Simplistic Answer Is No He Should Not Lose Out Just Because of His Jealous Nature.. It Is Not An Issue.. If This Younger Woman Has Ten Friends In The same Consequence Then Equally This Is Immaterial To Your Friends Present Situation.. Many Females & Indeed Males Will Have Friends Of The Opposite Sex.. So What? Perhaps Your Friend Needs To Search Within His Own Ideals & Determine What Is Important To Him.. After All This Other Male Is Just A Friend.. If It Were Her Lover Then Of Course This Would Change The Whole Concept Of This Blog.. Interesting Though..A N D R O G O T H

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  4. Wow…all this advice, all these different points of view and personal experiences. It shall take me an age toFathom. I have copied and sent these comments to my friend. I trust they are of some help to him. In fact I am sure they shall be of help. In "every" comment there runs a thread of golden words.

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  5. Well I think he should be asking a few things really. Is she having a physical relationship with this man? I have several male friends and yes I have had a physical relationship with a couple of them but they know that I am now in a committed relationship, doesn’t stop us being friends just like we always have been. I am seeing someone now but we both know that we both have a past and you can’t dump your friends just because there’s a new guy on the block so to speak. I guess it all depends on what the two people involved want from each other, she may not want a full on 24/7 relationship. My phone goes when I am with my man and so does his, I’m not a phone fan anyways and just because it goes off it doesn’t mean it’s important and lets face it I choose whether to answer it or not and when I’m relaxing I don’t bother with it even if it does go. Worst things invented mobile phones, people think you’re at their beck and call constantly, some even have the cheek to moan at you if it’s turned off or you don’t reply in said amount of time. It’s silly really.Your friend needs to take it really slowly and find out the things he needs to before he makes a final judgement, some of my friends text me at silly o’clock too even though they know I am sleeping lol. Ohhhh and you have to have friends, male and female and when you get old like me you do tend to have friends that have been about for donkeys years it doesn’t mean anything and if he has any jealousy issues then it won’t work if she can’t have her own freedom and life and some trust. Long as they talk about it honestly together then he should get the answers he needs. Deep meaningful relationships don’t start out as that generally, takes time to get to know someone, nowt worse than a controlling man, I had one he wasn’t very nice, cheated on me.Bright blessings xxx

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  6. A male "friend" told me years ago that women and men cannot just be friends because the man is always going to be trying to push for more. As a woman I know many males I like but wouldn’t want to have sex with. Two AM is a significant time is the USA. Bars close and it is considered "Motel" time. If the girls "friend" didn’t score per se, might he not text her as a booty call. He might be thinking she is asleep, then no problem; if she is awake, perhaps they can conncect; and if she is with somebody else, Goddess forbid that her cell phone is turned on. Texting at that time can mean anything. Remember she didn’t text him first. I have to ask why she would allow the text to come through when she is with your friend. Did she want to make him jealous, was she just ignorant that this friend would do that. Kenny, this can mean many things, and your friend needs to discover what is in her heart. He should ask, women are more than receptive to such forms of communication. On the other hand if she over reacts and accuses him of not trusting her, then perhaps he was right not to. Please keep us up to date on what is happening.Blessed be

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  7. There is always a risk of heartache in any relationship. It goes with the territory. Walking away from it too hastily could mean missing out on something very wonderful in life. Not a good idea to give up genuine friends for a relationship either. Relationships come and go good friendships last a lifetime and everyone needs a shoulder to cry on if things go wrong! I agree with your friends who wisely suggest some kind of meeting of the two parties concerned. It could allay a lot of anxieties. It may simply be her friend is used to a close platonic friendship and is finding it difficult adjusting to taking a back seat now she is in a relationship with someone. But texting at 2am cannot be acceptable by any standards! Instinct is probably the best guide….matters of the heart are never easy! :-)

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  8. I think he is doing the right thing. If she really wanted a relationship with your friend, she would forego communication – especially at 2:00 am for heaven’s sake! – to be with your friend. I would say he is right on with the alarm bells. Always go with your gut instincts.I have a guy whom I refer to as my best guy friend, but he knows our boundries and would never text me at 2 am. It is entirely possible that she has no boundries, but then there is another set of bells. And yes I do have a chair for the computer desk, but it is so big that it would have blocked the view when taking the picture so I shoved it out of the way.

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  9. Hmmmm. I dont think he should terminate anything . Friends are friends. I have some very special friends that I wont let go off and really not expected too by .anyone. I think what Suki says is right also. Deep Peace my Friend.Lisa

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  10. What One Beam said, don’t be too hasty, explore a little more.

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  11. Tell your friend he should not make any hasty decisions. It may well be this is purely platonic! Your friend would want to keep his platonic girl friends, wouldn’t he? Of course. He can relax. See how it goes. Can your friend trust this lady in every other way? If so, then she is most likely telling the truth on this one, too.

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  12. Hi! I think Sarah Ellen is right you can judge so much more when you meet a person, I think your friend should meet the man friend in a social situation ie pub or party why don’t you go along too see how they interact together. Also ask her more about him, the worrying thing is if he knows she is with a new boyfriend what on earth is he doing texting her at 2am?? if this new relationship has his blessing you would think he would have the sense to leave her to it to enjoy with out distraction. My advice is ‘Amber’ proceed with causion!! 😉 Suki x

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  13. A thorny question that I will try to answer candidly as possible. Is it not possible for women to have just a male friend with no other agenda involved? Logic would lead me to believe that if they had been a couple in the past all communication would have been severed by now. This is usually what happens when a relationship comes to an end as maintaining a platonic relationship afterwards is usually fraught with idiosynchrasies from the past. I for one, would never be able to subject myself to this type of self humiliation. The wound would have run deep enough already. Is it not enough that this lady ventured on a journey to meet your friend as a gesture of opening the door a little wider to your friend to give him an idea as to where here true intentions lie?? I understand fully that he would feel threatened by her friends presence in her life, but is that not the same with any girlfriends feelings about the relationship her friend and the lady in question have?? I feel your friend needs to clarify once and for all in his own mind the true nature of this friendship by asking the lady the question. If she is true in her own heart she will not feel offended by him posing it. I also feel he needs to ask himself what it is he’s really scared of? Perhaps that his own shortcomings would put a blight on the relationship?? Remember this Kenny……. We all have them and if this lady is seeking the same type of relationship as your friend, she will be mindful of his as he will be of hers. I sense he is feeling a trifle insecure at the moment and I really feel for him. Remember this….. A faint heart never won fair lady, and maybe fair lady is just out of his blinkered sight waiting to be one with him?? ;o)I’m away to commence a long over due blog….. Life tends to get in the way of the things you want to do. Tell your friend, not to let that thread of green that is present within us all not to get in the way of what he really wants to do in life!!My thoughts are with you.. :o) xxx

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  14. It is sticky one, especially if it is a genuine and longstanding friendship. On the one hand your friend doesn’t want to appear controlling and demanding, on the other it is only reasonable to want to know where he stands. One possibility might be to suggest that he would like to meet her friends and that perhaps with the warmer weather coming in too there might be a social event such as a barbeque where he could get to know everyone including this chap?Another approach could lay in him re-evaluating his own expectations of the situation, taking things a little slower, though I know it can be hard to control emotion that much. Things are different these days. Yesterday a young man in my class at Uni was complaining that an elderly neighbour, probably twenty or more years my senior and at least fifty years his senior, had taken him aside and said she thought his behaviour was cavalier having brought more than one lass home to meet his parents in a short space of time. He didn’t understand why his parents shouldn’t meet the lassies he was dating but even in my generation you did not take someone home unless something long term was on the agenda. It maybe that they need to be sure they are on the same page in terms of social ettiquette. I can understand your friend’s caution but life is sometimes about taking risks for the things we believe in, and if we fail accepting that what has happened is part of life’s learning curve. I hope he will find eventual happiness x

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