Once again life has dealt me a devastating blow. The Damoclean sword hangs by a hair above me once more. A very real threat to my very existence, showing the precariousness of all life. Again a dark and forbidding cloud has descended, casting my days into long inky black nights. Just what is it that I have done wrong, to warrant this onslaught of misfortune. Is it my destiny to suffer these slings and arrows, one after the deadly other. Untill one finely finds its mark and smites me down to the cold unforgiving Earth !
Last autumn a pain manifested itself in my neck, radiating down my right arm to my fingers. To begin with this pain was bearable and indeed did not interfere with any of my day-to-day activities. I had just recovered from my Liver transplant and subsequent inflammation of the organ and was beginning to enjoy life again. However after a month or so, the pain was still evident. So I took myself off to my G.P. This was the very same G.P. that failed to investigate a blood disorder 3 years ago, that would have revealed that I had Liver cancer. I requested a scan but she denied me this and called for a x/ray instead. The result of which was general ware and tear, she said. Insisting it was only a trapped nerve, she prescribed me painkillers smiled and dismissed me.
Some months passed but still no improvement, so once again I took myself off to the surgery. This time it was a different doctor, as the one I normally see was on holiday in india. (I hoped she was enjoying herself) After reading my medical history this doctor called for a MRI scan immediately and informed me that this should have been called for earlier, as it had been present for so long. Just to “check” that nothing nasty was causing the pain. (this is what my doctor who was on holiday should have done months ago) The result was not good, the M.R.I. had revealed something growing from the bone between the 3rd and 4th vertebra in my neck and the doctors did not know what it was. “Gulp”. The alarm bells began to sound. The doctor then called for an emergency appointment with a Osteopath, who in turn called for a bone scan.
Both the scan and appointment with the Osteopath were scheduled for the same day. 11th of May. The scan was conducted in the nuclear medical department of the Hospital. Firstly I received an injection containing a radio-active substance. Secondly the scan would be taken 2 hours later and finely I was to be directed to the trauma department to see the Osteopath. There must have been over 30 people waiting in the area and as I had been in the hospital since 11am . I was not looking forward to another lengthy wait. It was now 2:30pm. However I was most pleased to hear my name being called just 10 minuets later.
The Doctor told me That he had been asked to see me as an emergency by my Gp. He had seen the images of the bone scan that had just been taken and had been studying them. There on the computer screen I could see the image of my entire skeleton. He clicked to another image and pointed to a dark shadow that could be seen clearly, between the bones in my neck. My heart sank like a stone as I recalled seeing the shadows on my liver for the first time. The Doctor began to describe the things that it may possibly be, in medical terms. But his words sounded like faint echos in my head, as I gazed in shock at this new enemy. However, the words 50-50 chance it is a tumor and a 50-50 chance it is not malignant, crashed onto my eardrums like a clap of thunder. They are still ringing in my ears at this very moment. I also recall him saying ” It was a very complicated case because the offending shadow was so high in the neck” Mmmm… “complications” not one of my favourite words 😦 Now I have more appointments to deal with, Ultrasounds/ETC and another M.R.I. in about 3 months time, to see if the little monster has grown. If it “has” grown then it “is” a tumor the doctor said.
” I waited 18 month not knowing if my time had come after the tumors on my liver were discovered. So I can handle waiting another 3 month to discover if this is a similar scenario.
All this is on top of my regular visits to my kidney consultant to receive Lithrotripsy treatment and visits to the Freeman’s hospital to see my liver consultant, to give blood and receive my anti rejection tablets. It’s all a pain in the neck !!!
I have not been the best of company during this difficult period, and indeed have been down right insulting to some. So I would like to take this opportunity to sincerely apologise, from the bottom of my heart. To those I may have offended. I now ask for their forgiveness and hope they can now appreciate the reasons for my belligerence of late. It would appear that I have become a master at sabotaging my own happiness. Inexplicable me, I guess.